"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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