Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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