hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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