so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I AM VODKA MAN
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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