She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
