The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
