Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Randomize
