dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize