Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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