Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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