:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
