Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
