Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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