You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
