we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
