You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
