THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
