You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
