Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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