Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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