last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
