I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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