What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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