think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
