no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
