last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
