This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
