so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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