when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
