At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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