Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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