I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
