I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize