Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Sorry about my life...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize