my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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