Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
