Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
