i was born a porn star she said
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
