toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
