its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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