you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
