this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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