I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
