My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
