i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize