i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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