If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
