none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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