I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
