I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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