You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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