Your tits are I can't wait for
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
