i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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