im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
