Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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