what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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