To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
