What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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