How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize