Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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