She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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