matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
