All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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