Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Holy shit dude........stairs
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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