Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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