it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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