did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
