I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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