U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
