My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
