If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
