.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
