I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
