Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
