I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
