3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We named our party play list daddy issues
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize