Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
