Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Let's paint friendship bongs
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
