i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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