True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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