I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
