How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
