OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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